Evansfold

The door flung open startling me awake.

“Young lady, if I have to tell you one more time to get up, you’re going to be grounded! Honestly, Zoe, it’s like you don’t even care about tonight!”

I hoisted myself out of bed, and threw on some jeans and t-shirt. I headed downstairs and collapsed onto a barstool at the kitchen counter. The words “Happy Birthday!” were singed into my toast. Who does that? It was finally my sixteenth birthday, and my mother was beside herself with glee. She zipped around the kitchen, attending to no less than seven different bowls in various stages of preparation.

“Zoe, are you going to spend some time practicing today?”

“Really Mom?”

“It never hurts to practice a little.”

“Mom…” I took an enormous bite of my toast and glared. “You’ve gone over the initiation ritual with me like a million times. The truth is that I don’t have to do anything. I need to say about four lines at the right time, and the rest is mag… And the rest is easy.”

The lights in the room dimmed, then surged. Bailey groaned. Even asleep, the dog could sense the energy shift.

Comments

Susan,

What a wonderful beginning. What I appreciated the most is the realistic motherly angst. Nothing is overdone in this opening, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Thank you for sharing.

Nicely constructed opening Susan. I actually enjoyed how it evolved, picking up steam as it went along. There's a lot to look forward to here...witchcraft, initiation, mother/16 yo daughter witch duo dynamics...I'm looking forward to this.

Awesome to hear, thank you!

Ha! I really liked the toast. You have a well written opening here Susan, and I can tell you're a great writer. I guess it is what's called a quiet opening, without much going on. I think it gives enough tidbits (magic, initiation, etc) to entice the reader to read on, but you may lose some folks with less patience.

Thanks SYusep! I too struggle with whether this has enough pizazz. The initiation goes terribly wrong, but I'm trying not to give too much away :) My fellow workshoppers have noted that I have at least three places I could start the book - perhaps I won't know which one is best until its done!