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Her eyes are a pretty shade of steel-gray.
That’s the one recurring thought I have as I stand, face partially obscured by shadows, scoping out my next target from across the street.
After a moment, I turn away. Rule one of what I do: don’t get attached.
Bracing myself, I leave my relative anonymity and cross the street. Already I can see the all-too-familiar colorful strands rising off her- blue, mostly, and some black. An odd combination.
But, hey, this from the weirdest guy in the universe.
“Hi.” I drop onto the bench a couple feet away from her.
“Whatever it is, I’m not interested.” Those silvery eyes glint with immediate annoyance.
Interest piqued, I flash a cool, confident grin. Or, more accurately, what I hope resembles a cool, confident grin. “Hey, look, sweetheart, I just-” My gaze lands on a tattoo of a spade on her neck, cutting me off abruptly.
I curse inwardly.
This is going to be harder than I thought.


Shuja Dalip's picture

I have to agree with bd's points. There also appears to be some seemingly unnecessary details, like "face partially obscured by shadows" that distracts the reader, but maybe it will become meaningful later?

This opening presents several very interesting questions that I am sure the reader would want to find out more about: who is this guy and what exactly does he "do", why does he call himself the weirdest guy in the universe, what's the significance of the spade tattoo, etc? However, these questions also left me more confused than engaged in the story. Perhaps you could give a stronger hint as to his intentions or a bit more of his background.